saturday night.

And I wonder why I'm up this late on a Saturday night.

Oh oops, it's Sunday already..

At times like these;

I wonder if I've got feelings..

I wonder if I've got a heart..

'Nuff said..

take a wild guess.

Some take eight months;

I take.. years?

Confused bits keep running all over.

Maybe it'll never happen. 

Words that were uttered some time ago by yours truly;

Should they be kept or thrown away?

Guess we'll just never know..

Hear me out: Always Be My Baby by David Cook.

come and go.

Youth Camp 2008: This Is Now.

I went to camp expecting God to move and sure enough He did - more than I expected. I guess He really made clear about the direction I'm heading towards in 2009. Initially it wasn't and isn't what I intended it to be but at times like these, you just need to shut up and follow His footsteps obediently, ain't it? I never prayed as much as I did in camp before. I never seeked God like how I did in camp. It was just different. I was never this hungry for His touch. In this camp, I experienced it all. God was extremely real in my life. Throughout camp, He taught me one thing and that is to continue persevering even when things get ugly. I mean life hasn't been easy for me since the start of this year and I gotta admit, I'm getting goosebumps just by thinking about how next year is gonna go but I believe it's all gonna be alright with God on my side. Happy thoughts ahead!

It was a totally different experience this year for me in camp as well. I mean assuming various responsibilities and ensuring that camp goes along well isn't easy and very tiring. It was totally worrysome when the number of campers weren't touching 250 at all. This is just one of the aspects but yeah, I know that God worked wonders in this year's camp and I'm absolutely certain that all who went were tremendously blessed!

On a lighter note, experiencing camp with loved ones are total plus points. I mean having all my favorite girlfriends back from overseas has continuously lifted up my dampened spirit. They have been nothing short of gorgeous blessings. It was even better when the seven of us were somewhat 'reunited' after a long break on the second night of camp! Sweet love, huns.

Peanut butter-fied.

Heee!

:)

Lovelies!

Candid laughter.

Seven of us!

accjlms*

Girlfriends.

 My LG :)

Taraaaa!

We cool alright.

Whoooosh!

Doong is love!

We're at the beaaach!

And here we move on to family love! My Ozzie cousins have finally came back after two solid years of absence. Just in two years, they have both grown up so big (like literally big) and seriously, so matured! I mean they were mere little kiddos before this and now, woah! Hee, I was very shocked. I guess I'm no longer the taller cousin in my generation just because they're still young but yeah, haha. Darn, why didn't I get these tall genes? Pfft. Albeit awkward on the first day of their arrival (yesterday), we got on well this morning and hey, more days ahead to rekindle that cousin love.

Well we celebrated Christmas early this year because many of them couldn't make it on Christmas day itself so dinner was today. My aunt got us turkey! It's a first in our family to have turkey, seriously! Turkey and tong yuen (since the celebration was just 2 days ago)! Hehehe, yummy flour-y dessert by the grandmother. Seeing all the kiddos grow up, I feel rather old myself! Haha.

Nephew & Uncle.

Sulky pot.

Reason: Ate too much and mommy took his food away.

Emma!

Two partially complete generations.

And yay, I'm done with my Christmas shopping, haha. But it's a very tiny list this year due to financial constrains and the current economy crisis. I'm serious, it's that bad on me okay. So yeah, don't expect anything much from me or rather anything at all, heh. I'm keeping muh budget minimal this year so don't get offended anyhow :) But yeah, Christmas isn't all about presents, hee :)

Wondering how did The Fleur De Lis go? :) I think it went well. I mean yeah from a shopper's view, hee. I splurged my way throughout the three days and hehe, I'm pretty satisfied with my purchases! :D Absolutely loving my new found clothes, wahahah. But on the other hand, from an organizer's view, some vendors or rather, a vendor can really be downright stupid. Seriously, pfft! At least my clothes make me happy so it's all good, thankfully! Hee *grin*

We both look really chan and tired out huh.

Anyways, here's some belated shout-outs! - 

Blessed Nineteenth Birthday, Johann!

Excuse me mister, we still haven't gone out yet! 

What happened to all our catching up sessions huh?

Hehe. I tried calling you yesterday but I couldn't get

through at all. Really! It's not an excuse alright, hee.

Hope you had a blast on your special day :)

Don't get too naughty alright, do keep some sanity in 

that now nineteen year old head of yours *grin*

::

Blessed TWENTY-SECOND Birthday, Brian!

Notice the emphasis on the age? Hehe. I kid I kid.

I'm still all fondue-fied from the lunch but hey it was

all good! I'm sure you had much fun, no? :) Thanks

for being that whacko friend throughout, hee. 

Anyhow, here's to a great year ahead of you!

Big boy ady la, hahah. Happy Hatchday again!

Twenty-two! *cough* Heee!

and because.

Above: Moment captured; 

Us.

Snippets to camp? :)

Well, he just makes me really happy. Traaaa.

last hurdle.

Finally after going through some weeks of agonizing exam stress, I'll be over and done with it tomorrow at 2pm and right on to youth camp! :)

The fact that we haven't had camp for two years makes all the difference there is. In the past two years and even more, things have changed so much. I changed. I practically took a 180 degree turn. Two years ago and today, I wasn't the same. I was different. My purpose of going to camp was different. My focus was different. My life was different. Life's circumstances were so different. This year's camp is gonna be different. I just know it. And let's make that difference in our life, through this camp and what's installed for us. Make this camp a significant one. Don't let it just waste away.

Honestly I'm scared but I guess I'm ready. It's a mish-mash feeling inside of me - trembling, tears, joy?

On a lighter note, I'm glad I'm gonna be in camp with my favorite girls! All finally back from overseas, it's sucha good feeling to have all of them, babes, back with me. Truly feels like real home now :) What would I do without them anyway? Hee ;)

Youth Camp 2005

"The 'bas sekolah' word has to be in too! Else it wouldn't be cool!"

HAHA ;)

p/s: I'm gonna be so screwed for my final paper tmrw. 100mcqs and TWO case studies in TWO hours? GONE.

vice versa.

This heart is yours to fill or burst,

To break or bury,

Or to wear as jewelry;

Whichever you prefer..

::

"What goes around, goes around, goes around

Comes all the way back around."

Hear me out: What goes around comes around by Justin Timberlake.

a familar stranger.

............S: Don't be a stranger.

............D: I'm a star. You may not see me, but I'm always there.

Not the normal conversation and definitely not the answer sought for but it is as interesting as it gets. It's funny how time passes by so fast and the most familiar faces are close to invisible. The ties that once binded, are the ones that loosen up. When knitted together once again, it is as though stepping out into a new dimension, with familiarity being the ultimate tour guide.

Hear me out: Take A Bow by Rihanna.

that corner.

It's that time

when I want to hide

in that little corner,

once again.

But this time is different.

You're here and that

makes all the difference.

everything.

Now that I've opened all

the envelopes, I wished

I hadn't because there's

none left to open. I

love opening and reading

all of it again and again.

From the bottom of my

heart, I thank you for 

everything. :)

Everything.

spicy.

We spicy. 

♥

Ain't it?

letting go.

I guess it is only in due time that I would have to let go. It's been around for far too long, haunting the insides of me almost everyday. Ain't easy dealing with it, having to fight with one's inner self, thoughts and emotions. It was a tough struggle and very depressing. Wasn't easy stepping up but it had to be done somehow and in some time or other. Finally when the people and situations around scream the word safe, I was able to let my guard down and do what I needed to do. But my guard is still up to protect the insides but in due time, it'll all be good if things remain good and very safe. There's a first step to everything. I believe this is my first step. 

Trust, love and forgiveness. 

And I'll keep telling myself that.

Well, here's to better days ahead!

too cool.

"So you're too cool for us now, huh?"

"Since when?"

"Since you became like them."

"Huh. Please la."

"Ha ha ha ha."

.

+++

"Now I wonder who's too cool for who."

After all these, I do wonder how disappointment feels like. Oh wait, I've just felt it. Then again I've never believed it'll happen. I guess times do change; how much you wanna catch up and rewind to past days, things will not be as close as it was. Sad, no? Yeah even with all the endless effort thrown in, it is really heart-breaking. Though I thought it'll never affect me, I'm down right wrong. So wrong about you too. Life goes on, and on and on and on.

This is where the saying comes into place -
.

so true, huh?

And I guess this is one of the many reasons why -

sway.

Swayin',

To the left and to the right, and vice versa.
Front and the back, and vice versa.

.

.

It's blue and black.

And I'm lost -

sweetest thing.

Sometimes I do wonder, why do I even bother to bother. Makes sense? No? I'll probably just not bother to bother anymore.

Rawrrr!

.

Again, Pon & Zi's the cutest. :)

.

I totally went bonkers during Business class today. Uber stressed up and gah, all the workload just came upon me. Three more weeks and I'm doneeeeeeee. Can't waiit!

.

Have I mentioned I've got awesome friends? Everytime I'm like unhappy / stressed or some sort, I'd look at this *points down* and giggles just follow after. She used MS Paint to do this for me when I was so close to breaking down because of stress overload. A real encouragement! She's the sweetest thing everrrr! She never fails to put a smile on muh face. Am glad for a girlfriend like her. I know I'm loved, very much indeed. :) Babe, I've got something to tell you! So buzz me when you're backkk! Nothing serious but hee yaaaah!

.

I love Lyds muchoo!

Yay, you're comin' back from the States!

a thousand miles.

Of polka dots, stripes and a flower - I like.

And things seem all happy once again;

Just hope this lasts..

Foreverrrr.

,

I've been listening to Vanessa Carlton - A thousand miles, and I can't help but to feel nostalgic. :O The song's pretty old school but oh well :) I keep wondering which memory is tied to the song and I can't seem to recall any of it. All I know is I keep getting this weird feeling when I give the song a listen. Weird enough, rather random. Hee.

.

,

// you made me smile.

spinnin' around.

Uh-oh, I think I've eaten some already.

Ooops. *grin*

The little things in life that used to get me all hyped up and bubbly about, isn't working anymore. I've realized that as time passes, it gets harder for me to please me. I used to get excited real easily but that ain't happening no more.
.

Deep inside, I keep trying to figure out why but nothing's comin' along. I keep spinning around in circles and at the end of it all, I find myself back in the same spot I started from. I tend to look at things from a different perspective; could this be what one calls - maturity?
.

No doubt, it's the same me deep inside but what I really think is - The world's a different place and things are just different now.

.

I think I've already started to build my wall from intruders. What would bother me so easily won't get through that easily anymore. Honestly if it's not something that's gonna benefit my life, I'd put away with it. I believe that if things are meant to be, it'll always be (in the end, at least). Else, it's best we let it be the way it is. Sometimes, there's only one chance in life. A second chance is hard to come by. Life's unfair, no matter how hard you try, the fact's never gonna change. It's funny though, to see how people are so quick to judge when it comes to waiting/anticipating a life-determinant decision. Funny world, funny individuals.

.

After it all, I still owe God all the credits for blessing my with awesome loved ones who stood by me through thick and thin, especially the closer three :)
.

These are some random thoughts I just had so, you could just skip this post (yea, it's a little too late now - it already is the end) if it causes a lift in one of your eyebrows.

.

Haha, goodnight everyone!

take me away.

It happened again. Everything within me just overwhelmed my whole being. I tried to fight back but I lost. Big time.

So trapped inside, rather clueless about my existence. Hate to think about it all again, but I think I'm falling away once again.

The minute I put a little less effort, everything crumbles. Why?

Too tiring. I keep searching but I find no aid.

[Pocket full of sunshine - Natasha Bedingfield]

Take me away, a secret place

A sweet escape, take me away

Take me away to better days

Take me away, a hiding place

Either she's going crazy or she just needs to hide away.

I'm sorry for pushing you away. I honestly didn't mean to..

two cortez-es.

I'm kinda getting a hold of my workload now :) Made a schedule and if I do stick to it, everything will be smooth-sailing from now on. Haha, I hope. Note that my sem's gonna end so one can just imagine the amount of due dates I gotta meet for the next one month till the finals. And the schedule for the finals are OUT! Yeah, you heard me right, its out, and my midterms just ended like last week. Shrugs.

This week's gonna be a pretty hectic week - Filled with dates with my girlfriends *grin* A getaway throughout the weekend, girly-time with Cass and Lyds (love them both muchos!), and so much more! :D Yeah, not forgetting the various assignments as well. Hee, but it'll all be okay I hope *hopeful smile*

And a pic that I really do like ;
.

Enough said-

:)

.

Oh, how can I forget something that's really got my adrenaline pumping - the match between Germany and Turkey! Tomorrow! Okay, actually Thursday but yea, hehe. I'm excited and definitely full of jitters! Yes, I'm gonna be staying up! =)

.

nightmare.

I had the roughest afternoon (Which explains the post title - Nightmare) by far and I shall forget everything like now. I won't be talking about it anyway, heh.

On a brighter note, its Chloe's eighteenth!

.

A blessed and happy eighteenth, Chloe!

I'm not that close to you but I'm still gonna wish you. Hehe.

Well it was really nice meeting you and having a lil chit chat some time back.

You remind me very much of Lauranne, though.

Haha. But yea, it is really good seeing you in youth

and continue to be a blessing to the many others out there :)

Hope you had a blast on your hatchday!

Much love*

.
.

There is this random pic we took at youth last Saturday ;

.

It's pretty funny and my head looks distorted.

.

I went back for classes today and it was terrible. A big sigh to that okay. A whole load of work just came on upon me today and I'm struggling to keep up with all of it. Not only that, I came to know of a quiz that is just tomorrow! How brilliant, huh? Last minute revision is so stressful. And yet, I'm still procrastinating. Bleh, oh well!

.

Well, I'm really looking forward to the end of this week! :)

.

I need coffee now.

found.

It took me a while to get myself out of this pit and I am more than happy to say that I'm finally out of it, at least I believe so. I gotta admit that it was the darkest and worst period I've gone through cos' nothing seemed to be working out and I even lost sight of Him. I gave up and felt depressed and all I could do was drown all the more. I had no intentions on getting back up or finding my way out until I woke up this morning. I've gone through a whole week filled with sleepless nights - thinking and thinking about everything which caused me to be gloomy than ever. Though there are things that are still tugging at me but I believe that it's all gonna get better from today onwards. Its hard but I guess I'll be fine, soon enough.

I'm back to a point where all I can say is that faith matters and it matters the most. It's all about being humble and coming back to Him despite everything that has happened in the past and has been happening. Life's all about choices and it is up to ourselves to make that decision and no one else.

.

I've finally found myself in God again and I'm really thankful. :)