so true, isnt it? well it is. :) at least for me..
im naturally a very competitive person. yes, i've always been competing with others, be it in studies, sports, looks or anything for that matter. always striving and wanting to be the best and sadly, for the many thousand times i've done so, i barely made it to the top.
recently, i realized i've been competing very much that i always wake up and strive to be much better than other people. yes, without weighing out my weaknesses nor my strengths. however, with me having a rather low self-esteem, i try to boost myself up and to encourage myself that im better with doing this and that and stuff. when reality strikes, im struck right back to the ground, realizing that im nothing much. i realized that if i keep competing and trying to be that someone that God has not made me to be, it just wouldn't happen anyhow. so whats the use? its sad for me to realize that im not even up to my own standard of who i really want to be or be like. many times, i've been dragged down with thoughts like; im not good enough, im not like her/him, im not smart enough, im not pretty enough, she's/he's better than i am, im not talented/gifted, its just not my thing, i cant do it, etc. yeah, pretty childish huh? but really, it tends to bug me most of the time. so many times, that i keep hurting myself again and again just by thinking about it. i have even reached a point where its pretty hard for me to see the real value in myself, its so hard to see the good or rather whether is there any good in me. and in the end, i often doubt and tend to discriminate myself.
on the way home from youth today, i was thinking (yes, i think alot) about how much i've been trying to compete with others, wanting to appear better than the other person and all those kinda similar thoughts. i honestly felt really sad and ungrateful that i did not appreciate who God made me to be. yeah, its very human (or maybe its just me) to not want to be who you already are, to want to be somebody else who's better at everything, who looks better than you, who's smarter than you BUT i simply realized that God made each and every one of us different. different and special in His eyes, indeed. so instead of trying to impress other people or that special someone, why not we choose and focus on impressing God with what He has blessed us with? i know im wrong for discriminating and looking down on myself and stuff cos i will just be discriminating and looking down on God's creation and image, for we were created in His image. hence this is why im gonna stop doing this to myself.
yet knowing all this, knowing that i've nailed Jesus to the cross so many times for feelings this way, i am really trying to perfect my flaws. its really hard, i admit, but with God, all things are possible. and so, im just gonna leave this to God and not think too much about trying to be better and everything else. i give up on trying and wanting to be better than others, cos im just gonna be who i am- who God wants me to be.
recently, i realized i've been competing very much that i always wake up and strive to be much better than other people. yes, without weighing out my weaknesses nor my strengths. however, with me having a rather low self-esteem, i try to boost myself up and to encourage myself that im better with doing this and that and stuff. when reality strikes, im struck right back to the ground, realizing that im nothing much. i realized that if i keep competing and trying to be that someone that God has not made me to be, it just wouldn't happen anyhow. so whats the use? its sad for me to realize that im not even up to my own standard of who i really want to be or be like. many times, i've been dragged down with thoughts like; im not good enough, im not like her/him, im not smart enough, im not pretty enough, she's/he's better than i am, im not talented/gifted, its just not my thing, i cant do it, etc. yeah, pretty childish huh? but really, it tends to bug me most of the time. so many times, that i keep hurting myself again and again just by thinking about it. i have even reached a point where its pretty hard for me to see the real value in myself, its so hard to see the good or rather whether is there any good in me. and in the end, i often doubt and tend to discriminate myself.
on the way home from youth today, i was thinking (yes, i think alot) about how much i've been trying to compete with others, wanting to appear better than the other person and all those kinda similar thoughts. i honestly felt really sad and ungrateful that i did not appreciate who God made me to be. yeah, its very human (or maybe its just me) to not want to be who you already are, to want to be somebody else who's better at everything, who looks better than you, who's smarter than you BUT i simply realized that God made each and every one of us different. different and special in His eyes, indeed. so instead of trying to impress other people or that special someone, why not we choose and focus on impressing God with what He has blessed us with? i know im wrong for discriminating and looking down on myself and stuff cos i will just be discriminating and looking down on God's creation and image, for we were created in His image. hence this is why im gonna stop doing this to myself.
yet knowing all this, knowing that i've nailed Jesus to the cross so many times for feelings this way, i am really trying to perfect my flaws. its really hard, i admit, but with God, all things are possible. and so, im just gonna leave this to God and not think too much about trying to be better and everything else. i give up on trying and wanting to be better than others, cos im just gonna be who i am- who God wants me to be.
p/s: yeah, i know its a pretty long and wordy post but i felt i should let it off my mind :) so hope you guys dont mind. :)
2 comments:
guess what?? you're not alone in this!! i'm going through with all that you are struggling with too!! but yes! God made all of us different and we are all special in His eyes! it takes time to fully grasp that fact and accept ourselves for who we are! luv you babe!! *squeeze squeeze* =)
u go, girl =)
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